We must live, we must be true to our childhood dreams, or they’re worthless, and our youth is insincere.

“flag & family” cursive.

If someone told me that I could live my life again free of depression provided I was willing to give up the gifts depression has given me–the depth of awareness, the expanded consciousness, the increased sensitivity, the awareness of limitation, the tenderness of love, the meaning of friendship, the apreciation of life, the joy of a passionate heart–I would say, ‘This is a Faustian bargain! Give me my depressions. Let the darkness descend. But do not take away the gifts that depression, with the help of some unseen hand, has dredged up from the deep ocean of my soul and strewn along the shores of my life. I can endure darkness if I must; but I cannot live without these gifts. I cannot live without my soul.

David N. Elkins, Beyond Religion, p. 188

First, I’ll go over the first step: cleansing the face. (And sorry for the very poor quality of the photos =/, my SD wouldn’t format on my comp, so I resorted to my camera phone, sigh.)

St. Ive’s Apricot Scrub (Blemish & Blackhead Control)

As a scrub, it’s wonderfully effective. It’s a thick and cream-like with microbeads. It has 2% salicylic acid which was able to work with my skin after I stopped using Pro-Activ and Shiseido. After a few years of using Pro-Activ, I realized that my skin had gotten used to it, and Shiseido’s products weren’t working for me whatsoever. St. Ive’s is one of the best cleansers that you can use especially if it’s your first time trying out these products and you’re not sure what will be good for your skin. Their products are generally very gentle on the skin (however, if you get the one for acne and you don’t really have acne, please don’t be surprised if it dries out your skin or something worse happens!), and it’s much cheaper than most products that are found in drug stores or Sephora. I consider it a staple for anyone. The one thing that I wasn’t particularly pleased with was how it feels — it’s actually kind of a little grainy, like sand. But don’t worry, it’s not rough on the skin.

Biore Pore Unclogging Scrub

Since it’s always best to switch to a different cleanser after finishing one so that your skin doesn’t get used to it, I bought this one. I love this cleanser. It’s a green scrub with blue microbeads (larger than the ones in the St. Ive’s product) with 2% salicylic acid (of course). The main reason why I love this one, however, is because after using the product, I can feel a certain tingle after rinsing it off, and it makes my skin feel so much smoother. The scrub is also much softer than St. Ive’s and it smells wonderful! However, this is also an acne-medicated specific type of scrub so this may not be the best product for normal skin. I wish I had a picture to show you what it looks like (because it does look much more luxurious than the previous product, haha), but I just finished my bottle and switched to the next one!

Biore Blemish Fighting Ice Cleanser

This is my first time using it. I bought it at Target since there was a sale with Biore’s Deep Cleansing Pore Strips (the review is coming later in this post). It’s not my favorite nor is it the best. It’s part of Biore’s Complexion Clearing line (which they boast: “Clinically proven to INSTANTLY work 68% BETTER THAN ProActiv”). There isn’t really an “icy” feeling which they say will happen, but after leaving it on after a few seconds, you can feel that there is a cooling effect. It doesn’t smell as great even though the ingredients list lavender and eucalyptus. I must say though this product is much stronger than the Pore Unclogging Scrub because after a few weeks (but I also blame the extreme weather conditions), I found my skin drying out to a rather horrendous effect. As of right now, my skin is still calming down, but if I use the Blemish Fighting Ice Cleanser (which, now, is around every other day or every two days) I have to bulk up on my moisturizer.

Biore Triple Action Astringent

This is similar to most acne prevention lines like Clinique or ProActiv. You can use it after the cleanser only, or after the cleanser + pore strips. If your skin is already on the dry side — DO NOT USE. This will only dry it out even more which will then lead you to use more moisturizer, which I find a hassle. Anyway, out of all the toners that I have used, I like this one a lot (maybe it’s because Biore products just always generally smell really nice =] ) Toners are used to clean & tighten your pores, to even out your skin tone, and to reduce oil shine. The one that I use also has salicylic acid. The change while using this product isn’t going to be immediate nor as noticeable, but over time I have noticed only benefits overall.

Biore Cleansing Pore Strips

Hands down, it works. Just follow the directions and you’ll see the blackheads you pull out (assuming you have some on your nose!) and you’ll say, Ew. This is Part 2 of the Complexion Clearing line from Biore.

Dermalogica Sebum Clearing Masque

The person who did my facial highly recommended this product to me. It’s good for sensitive skin with large pores. It’s pretty hefty price (around 50$) and you won’t be able to find this in drug stores. It’s not thick and it’s not heavy on your skin while you leave it on. It’s a masque so you’re going to look a little funny keeping it on for ten minutes. The ingredients contain salicylic acid (of course, haha), spiraea, cinnamon bark, and triclosan (2%).  I’ve only just recently started using it so I can’t really say anything much about it, but give me a few months and I’ll come back to re-review =).

CVS Purifying Mint Masque

I bought this on a whim because I couldn’t find the Julep Mint Masque. It’s very cheap if you want to try it out. I didn’t find any negative reactions nor did I find any outstanding positive changes. It’s kind of funny though having a green face for almost twenty minutes though. It’s a thick cream to apply and smells pretty minty. I’m rather on the fence with this since I didn’t find anything great about it. Warning to already dry skin: avoid!

I’ll work on Part Two sometime later this week, and I’ll focus on lotions because moisturizers are absolutely doubly important.

I bid you adieu with Brownie Chocolate Chip Cookies (YUM NOM NOM NOM):

THE HIGHLINE
(i wasn’t feeling well on this day so there aren’t many pics at all)

SOUTH STREET SEAPORT
(i really miss living here T.T)

(i really want to try this!)

AND…free ice cream courtesy of COACH!

LONG ISLAND CITY
(i’d only been at the park for 1.5 hours and the tips of my shoulders were sunburned -___-)

…the end!

The next few updates are going to be movie reviews, just to catch up to what I had promised. Also, I guess I’ll reveal a little more about the MFA application process (which is currently nonexistent), and hopefully I might have snippets of new pieces that I can tease you all with, including myself. I don’t get how my brain works either, guys.

I googled “floral park” on my phone, and I read the first article about a crash. When I read the names, it was like a legitimate cognitive dissonance: I knew, inside, I knew those names, but I couldn’t wrap my mind around why I knew those names. They were so familiar and yet, it just couldn’t be them. When I read their age next to their name, it clicked for me right then that those were the people who I had known for almost 18 years of my life. I’m not going to say that we were ever friends or that we kept in contact or that we even said hello. Once everyone reached high school and hit puberty, they went to a private Catholic school while I stayed in the public school. But we went all through elementary school together, and the people they were friends with — I went through high school with them. It may not seem like a big deal, but in a town like this, where everyone knows everyone and someone is always connected to the other person, having a hit like this is personal. It may not be as hardhitting as the news would be concerning their closest friends, but it’s another remind of how fragile we are.

The facts: There were five people in the car. At 8:45am on the Meadowbrook Parkway, the car swerved into the right lane and hit a tree. Three of the passengers died. The other two are in the hospital, recuperating. No alcohol was involved. The rescuers had to use the “Jaws of Life” to pry open the doors and get the people out. They were all heading to work at Camp Anchor, a camp for children with disablities. Considering the force of the crash, one passenger was ejected from the car. Investigations are still ongoing.

This would count as the sixth death of those born in 1988 who live in Floral Park. This would be another freak accident in the unfortunately growing list of deaths. This also marks the second time where the youth (I guess I should call them adults now…) had died as they were moving into the next stage of life. The first two in 2006 ended high school but never got to attend prom, the high school graduation, or college. The latest in the summer of 2010 just graduated from universities. They survived the college experience, but now, we’ll never know where else their choices would have taken them. The rest of this summer will be spent in mourning with a heightened awareness of our vulnerability.

Drunk driving while trying to drift only to hit a tree in a curious street bend towards the Floral Park Memorial High School. One of the first ones to the scene suffered heart failure the night after. Another heart failure in college. One kid collapsing while jogging due to dehydration which led to coma and then to kidney failure. And now two more to the roster from a car accident — and as I stated above, these are only the ones who were born in 1988.

This only serves to remind us of the fragility of our lives. We’re not invulnerable and yet, we consistently believe in that. We lead our lives with the arrogance that we will be able to survive through anything. We are human beings in desire for contact, for social stimulation, and the over-burning desire not to be forgotten. And yet, I don’t know about anyone else, but those regrets — the words unsaid, the signs of affection too late — would carry over as a steady weight on my back, my nerves slowly fraying out as the years go by. When I remember that, I realize how vulnerable I truly am.

the particular sadness of lemon cake (aimee bender)
willful creatures (aimee bender)
floral park, nassau county (walter e. gosden)
nox (anne carson)
the icarus sydrome: the history of american hubris (peter beinart)
the history of white people (nell irvin painter)
gods behaving badly (marie phillips)
the girl with the dragon tattoo; the girl who played with fire; the girl who kicked the hornet’s nest (stieg larsson)
inseparable: desire between women in literature (emma donoghue)
the swan thieves (elizabeth kostova)
a thread of sky (deanna fei)
the death and life of the great american school system (diane ravitch)

updated: 24/july

the female brain; the male brain (louann brizendine)
the feminist promise (christine stansell)
nazi literature in the americas & antwerp (roberto bolano)
columbine (dave cullen)
i am an emotional creature (even enoler)
bright-sided (barbara ehrenreich)
a universal history of the destruction of books (fernando baez)
how soccer explains the world (franklin foer)
stonewall (david carter)
the story of psychology (morton hunt)
wrestling with moses (anthony flint)
the original of laura (vladimir nabokov)

When we got in front, the line was ridiculously long. But luckily for us, we didn’t have to wait on line! We were able to go inside and sit in the balcony seats instead of the standing area. Good, phew. We were just chilling there, and I, of course, started screaming & doing some of the dance moves when 2PM came on. I didn’t know any of Wonder Girls‘ songs, but they put on a solid performance .. as in, it wasn’t really boring. They didn’t seem as fluid or coordinated with each other as the 2PM team, though, that was kind of obvious.

JYP himself actually came out on stage before everything! Mink totally called that, but I thought he would stay in S.Korea, tbh. Well, he came out and said that the concert was a little delayed because there were tornado warnings! TORNADO WARNINGS FOR THE EAST COAST! NEW YORK! WHAT!! And then he made a joke (I think it’s a joke…) about how he had to get them on his private jet to get them to the concert…

And then 2PM came on, ~yay~. It was only Chansung, Taec, Junho, Nichkhun, and Wooyoung. Junsu wasn’t able to come because of his knee, but they said that he would be able to perform in LA. It was mostly Taec speaking, and sometimes he would look at Nichkhun and then he would say something. It was actually a little surprising because Nichkhun has a slight accent, definitely more than Taec. They all introduced themselves in English, and it was mucho cute when Wooyoung tried to speak more! He was very shy about it, but whatever.

They made the performance very fun, actually. It was very informal, nothing too crazy, and I think as an opening act, that’s fine. They performed “I Hate You,” “Again & Again,” “10 Out of 10,” “Heartbeat,” “Without U.” I feel like I’m missing one?! I can’t seem to remember .. BUT, I will tell you something that was very disappointing! At the last seconds of “Heartbeat,” Taec kept on tugging at the collar of his shirt as if preparing to rip it, but then either at the last second he realized he might not have another shirt or the shirt just wouldn’t rip, and he gave this apologetic smile and then fell over backwards at the last second! ARGHH! What a tease -___-, lol.

That’s Mink’s photoshop stuff. But anyway, the Wonder Girls are very pretty in real life. And also really nice. The leader (Sunye?) was so sweet. My (ngl, kinda big) bag knocked into her, and I got really embarrassed but she was like ^^ keke woops! And they’re so tiny too. Man, I don’t know why I’m so dark in comparison to everyone else .. =/

Again, Mink’s photoshop. But UGH, BLEGH, PFFT, they are so DISGUSTINGLY GOOD LOOKING IN REAL LIFE. Well, at least Nichkhun and Chansung. I know Wooyoung’s been having skin problems lately. Idky he had to hide behind my head though =/. Like, they were so good looking, I actually couldn’t even look them in the face. Wasted opportunity, right? Sigh. When we walked in to take the picture, Nichkhun looked and smiled at us and said hello first, and I was so flustered and shy, I was like, meep!

disclaimer: all photos taken by mink.

PS: This is the latest Wonder Girls mv for “2 Different Tears.” It gets kind of catchy!  They showed the music video at the concert, and then right after that, they performed the song live.

spoilers within.

As promised, I will review the first movie I have seen so far after I put it on my summer list. I would have started with Robin Hood, but I didn’t feel like regurgitating the synopsis of Gladiator — except to throw in a “damsel-in-distress” scene. However, let me start with the summer fluff called Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arteton, Alfred Molina, and Sir Ben Kingsley.

First, the movie opens with the scene of the desert night sky and smooth hills of sand, and a camel with riders in the background. The opening scene consists of some sentences, most likely detailing the sands of Arabia or something like that, but I forget. Then we have a voiceover before being cut to the scene about 3 orphan boys goofing around in the busy, overcrowded marketplace. One of them steals something that was semi-necessary for their survival, one of the royal guards gets angry and is about to cut the orphan boy’s head off, until lo-&-behold, one of the other orphan boys tell him to stop. The guard becomes angry — insert scene of running off the roofs — but then the KING and his brother appear before the guard can cut off Orphan Boy’s head. I guess no one recognized him before he strode on his horse already clothed in royal garb to the middle of the marketplace? No one noticed before? All right, I guess.

Ah, the voice-over then reveals to the audience that a requirement of a Persian prince before he becomes king (or something like that) is that he must adopt an orphan boy whose heart is filled with courage. Surprise! Dastan, the orphan boy, is saved by the King and then becomes one of the princes of Persia. By the way, the entire beginning is either an homage to Disney’s Aladdin or some stereotypical shot of the Middle Eastern desert with travelers. Yet, if there was an homage, then where was the chorus? Just kidding. Even the font they used was so similar to Aladdin.

Fast forward to when they’re adults — Tus is the eldest, Garsiv is the middle child, and Dastan the rogue prince — and they are sent out to .. fight a battle? Wage war? Hang out in the desert? It’s a bit unclear why they’re away from the palace, to be honest, until Uncle Nizam (Kingsley) provides Tus with weapons & “suspicions” that Alamut was providing weapons to their enemies. Alamut, by the way, is a sacred, holy city that also houses a beautiful!princess. Tus, who clearly wanted to be known as a good & fair king (like, srsly, you get this almost immediately), wasn’t sure what to do — attack previously-known defenseless city on suspicions OR not attack holy city father/king also considered sacred? Under Nizam’s counsel (WARNING! HINT! CLUE!), Tus decides to attack the “impenetrable” walls. An argument ensues and then Dastan jumps in to do the “impossible” — which, OF COURSE, is always possible for him and his less-than-royal group. Action scene commence, and I don’t really have much to idea what’s going on except that Dastan sort of does some cool but really unnecessary flips/stunts — but voila! He breaks through the impenetrable fortress (even though later, the princess says that they never had a fortress anyway. Hmm??) using lots of parkour and some blades.

Dastan fights with one of the guards and after successfully KO’ing him, he picks up The Dagger of Time which is obviously very different because of all the strange symbols and intricate carving. When the Princess realizes that he’s holding onto the dagger — tucked into his waistband, of course, the Princess continuously flips her eyes from his face to his crotch — I mean, dagger. Some witty banter aside and crude sexual innuendo that Dastan doesn’t partake in, then come the gifts for the king of the spoils of war. As Dastan offers the King, his father, a robe that Tus told him to give to the father, the king falls to the ground BURNED ALIVE. The robe has been poisoned, everyone points to Dastan, and somehow he and Princess Tamina escape from the palace.

Lots of “witty” bantering ensues. Vague sexual jokes. Gemma Arteton has a pretty pout and fabulous indecisiveness as to how to play Princess Tamina. Should I be annoying? Should I be smart? How can I irritate Dastan and the movie audience at the same time? Also, an increasing amount of opportunities of putting Gemma Arteton into the skimpiest clothing possible. Introduce mythological background about dagger & sands of time right after Dastan explains to Princess Tamina (who is the Guardian of the Dagger) wtf the dagger does after he has experience it twice — after the audience has seen it happen twice. Yet, once again, Princess Tamina does something stupid, and her and Dastan meet other civilians in the Land of the Slaves. Is this part interesting? Not particularly. Was it funny? I can’t say it was. Was it expected? Oh hell yes it was! The two main people who represented the Land of the Slaves were the stereotypical silent-but-deadly and the wise-cracking-entrepreneur while also being the MOST ethnic of the entire cast. Moving on…

And then — BAM! Nizam, the treacherous uncle, goes & employs the Hassassins — snake-like, secretive necromancers, who come from the same ilk as the Princess but are “impure” — to assassinate Dastan and take the dagger back to Nizam. Blah blah, the brothers die indirectly by Nizam and Princess Tamina tries to be useful by sacrificing herself. Yet, the director was kind of like, no no, she’s way too pretty to really be sacrificed. Ah, the reason why she wants to sacrifice herself for mankind? Because if the Dagger of Time connects with the Sands of Time, then everyone has the bigger problem of the APOCALYPSE WHERE SANDS COMPLETELY DEVOUR THE LAND. Yeah…what?!

Oh, there’s more: talks about Destiny – Dastan “I Make My Own Destiny”; brothers, loyalty, blood; power; following your own heart; etc. Tamina & Dastan kiss at the most improbable time — literally as the walls around them are crumbling. But then, voila! For some reason, after a fight with the evil!Nizam, we are brought all the way back to the moment when Dastan first held the dagger. He confronts Nizam in front of his brothers during the victory procession and shows him as the true betrayer, and also is given the Princess in the end as his reward. And Princess Tamina is totally okay with it — I guess because Dastan is the best looking one? — even though in the beginning, when they were trying to marry her off, she was royally extremely pissed off.  Ah, but all is right by Disney’s Happily Ever After theme.

The story is superbly subpar; the script reduced me to sardonic chuckles and scoffs; Jake Gyllenhaal’s blue eyes are just as blue as ever and his ridiculous hair had me wondering why he was in the titular role as the prince of Persia. Not only that, but I was entirely confused throughout the movie as to the accent he was trying to evoke. Accents = not his forte. Gemma is eye-candy and nauseatingly useless and annoying. From the headstrong feisty Princess desperate to retrieve the dagger back, as she falls in love with Dastan, her personality shifts to whimpering native gods/goddesses worshiper intent on .. trying to conceal the dagger that is never concealed in the end anyway. Possibly the only redeemable quality of the movie are the stunts/parkour, but I’m sure there are better videos on YouTube.

All in all, this was quite a doozy. If you enjoy Jake’s boyish grin & light blue eyes & huge biceps with oily, sweaty hair, then go for it. Otherwise, wait for DVD. Or when it shows up on FX Channel or TBS.

Rating: C (wasn’t even entertaining enough for a summer blockbuster)

SPRING BREAK TO-DOs:

1. activate membership at Center of Fiction
2. get phone fixed! (tentative, of course)
3. update wordpress everyday (with daily details & pics. i wish i could say this would happen definitely)
4. read: monograph (medieval islam)
   Zami (GSS)
   2 sources (SCB)
   15-20 sources (SRS)
5. begin research for SRS (ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh)
6. visit MoMA (tim burton exhibit) with Cora
7. hang out with Chris
8. sleep over Christine‘s
9. work on fiction (!!imperative!!)
10. Jackson Heights (present for Shamas)
11. buy medieval islam course packet
12. visit Aarti & Dania at Stony (shh, secret)
13. cut bangs (**imperative**)

MONDAY:

• Hang out with Christine

TUESDAY

• Campus: buy course packet; take out books from Bobst; print out SCB articles
• Floral Park Library
• Center for Fiction
• Hanging out with Chris!

WEDNESDAY

• Visit Aarti&Dania at Stony, with David?
• Queens Library (Glen Oaks & Bellerose)
• Laundry (hopefully!!)

THURSDAY

• Visit Isabella&Joshua
• Jackson Heights
• Meet up with Shamas in Flushing

FRIDAY

• MoMA with Cora! =)
• David‘s birthday: pre-gaming at his place
• sleeping over Chris&David‘s apt!
• Last day of Spring Break =(

Now that everyone knows my schedule, it’s not like I’m asking you to accommodate me. Now you know so no complaints. =D